When Your Name Becomes “Mum”: Reclaiming Your Identity
Photo by Alp Yıldızlar
While being a mother is an essential part of who you are, it doesn't have to be the only thing that defines you. As your children grow and become more independent, it's normal to feel like you're losing your sense of self. But the truth is, there are plenty of ways to redefine yourself outside of motherhood!
Here are some ideas to get you started.
Remember How You Used to Define Yourself
Before you became a mother, how did you fill your time? You probably had hobbies, interests, and passions that made you who you are. Take some time to remember those things and try to incorporate them into your life again. Whether it's taking up an old hobby or starting a new one, reconnecting with the things you used to love can help you rediscover who you still are outside your role as a mum.
Set new Goals for Yourself
Setting new goals is an excellent way to reclaim ambition for yourself outside of motherhood. Whether it's going back to school, jumping into a new career, or learning a new skill, having something to work towards can give you a sense of purpose and help you feel accomplished. And it’s never too late to start learning something new! Tell a friend or significant other to hold you accountable to your goals– or better yet, have them join in with you!
Find a Job/Volunteer
Being a mum is essentially a full-time job, but if you find yourself with a bit of extra free time on your hands, consider finding a part-time job or volunteer opportunity! This can help fill your schedule while the kids are at school and also give you the opportunity to connect with others by making a difference in your community.
Advocate for Yourself
As mums, it’s easy to let people walk all over us and take advantage of our time. Often we feel like it’s our responsibility to be constantly ready to serve others! And while our selflessness is appreciated, it’s still crucial for us to learn how to advocate for ourselves.
Practice recognizing when you’re reaching your limits by asking for help and setting boundaries. Maybe at the end of a long day, ask yourself how you’re feeling and fight for time to rest if that’s what you need! We have to mother ourselves before we can be the best mother to everyone else.
Connect with Others
I know it might sound cliche, but finding community is an incredibly beneficial way to remind yourself who you are outside of motherhood. Whether it's joining a book club, taking a class, or attending a networking event, finding like-minded people can help give you a sense of community. And your community doesn’t have to be with other mums! It’s also sweet to be reminded that you can have friends and social circles that don’t revolve around your kids.
Ultimately, when your name becomes ‘mum,’ reclaiming your identity is a journey, and it won't happen overnight. It takes time, effort, and self-reflection to notice where you can step into your identity independent of kids. Embrace the opportunities to discover who you are outside of motherhood, and you might be surprised at what you find. Just remember to be patient with yourself and enjoy the process