Can I Be a Great Mum Without Losing Myself In the Process?
Photo by cottonbro studio
One of my biggest fears when I became a mum was that I was going to automatically lose my sense of identity to the “mother” label. But that fear is so far from the truth!
When you become a mother you do not stop being YOU! You’re still the same woman who loves to run or read or volunteer or cook. Now you just have a child in the mix of it all!
In order to step into our identities as mothers without losing the women we were before children, the first thing we have to admit to ourselves is that our lives have changed. Your whole world now revolves around this tiny human! So it’s easy to feel your sense of self slipping away when your priorities are overtaken by breastfeeding and sleepless nights or playdates and carpooling.
But while becoming mums changes our circumstances and priorities, it doesn’t strip away what makes us who we are. Instead, we might just have to work a little harder to recognize that identity throughout the chaos of motherhood.
Here are 5 tips that might help remind you of your identity:
Lean into Gratitude
When you're feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to focus on the things that you're grateful for. Take a few minutes each day to reflect on the things in your life that bring you joy, whether it's your kids, your home, or your job! Gratitude can help shift your focus from what's going wrong to what's going right, and can help you remember how amazing you are!
Feel all the Feels!
Being a mum is an emotional rollercoaster, and it's okay to feel all the feels. From joy and excitement to anger and frustration, it's important to acknowledge your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Don't be afraid to cry, scream, or vent when you need to– it feels so much better to let your feelings out than allow them to bottle up inside.
Start a Journal
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a great way to process your emotions and clear your mind! Whether you prefer to write in a physical journal or use a digital platform, taking the time to reflect on your day and your experiences can help you gain perspective and find solutions to any challenges you're facing. Better yet, buy a cute journal that you’ll enjoy writing in!
Find your Style (& stick with it!)
Being a mum doesn't mean you have to give up your personal style. Take the time to remember what clothes, makeup, and accessories made you feel confident before becoming a mum, and make a point of incorporating them into your regular looks! This may mean investing in a few new clothing pieces or taking yourself to buy new makeup. Remember that you can still have great taste even as a mum!
Create a Mum Bucket List
The fun doesn’t stop just because you have kids! So make a list of all the things you want to do for yourself, whether it's taking a solo trip, skydiving, learning pottery, or taking a cooking class. Having a list of goals and aspirations can remind you that there are so many things that you can still enjoy with (or without) your kiddos!
No matter what that little voice in the back of your mind may tell you, you CAN be an incredible mum without losing yourself in the process. Dedicated parenting and your personal identity are not mutually exclusive! Find intentional ways to remind yourself who you are and remember that you are so much more than just a mum.