Diary of a Mum: A Day in the Life
Emma
This morning I woke up bursting with excitement and full of restless energy. Alone in my bed, the house was quiet as it usually is in the morning. I was too excited to try to sleep in so I went to check on my boys. It was still early, and as I expected I found them in the basement, carefully constructing The Millennium Falcon Tom had gotten for his 35th birthday last week. I decided to let them be and went to make my morning green juice. I sat at the kitchen counter, in the warm spot where the sun beams in through our lacy curtains, and let myself dream.
My mind wandered and I remembered the feeling of new life growing inside me. The impatient kicking to be let out, the sense of something growing, stretching, slumbering peacefully, keeping me company as I moved about the world, my body a vessel for us both. And then a baby. When Henry was born I couldn’t stop staring at him. I would touch him to make sure he was real. I was in awe that Tom and I had created something so perfect. The thought of having another baby makes my heart explode with joy. Of course, there would be dirty diapers, piles of laundry, and seemingly endless crying, but all of that would be worth it to experience the joy of holding a beautiful baby again that looked like me and Tom. I was just starting to consider if I would want another boy or a girl when Tom came upstairs and interrupted me. He read my mind and whispered, “I’m excited too.”
We dropped Henry off at school, doing our best to act as if it was a normal day even if it was unusual for Tom to join us for school drop-off. At the clinic, he held my hand while they transferred my fertilized frozen embryos into my body using a catheter. It’s a surprisingly quick and relatively painless procedure considering how life-changing it is. A few cramps and it was over. Tom kept me company during the post-procedure rest. He had thoughtfully brought a deck of cards. We used to play cards all the time when we first started dating, at the beach in the shade of an umbrella or at a restaurant waiting for our food. After beating him in gin rummy, it was time for me to go home and for Tom to go to the office. At home, I took coenzyme Q-10, DHEA supplements, and a mix of vitamins my college friend swore was the secret to successful implantation. I would try anything at this point. I sat on the couch and tried to find something to watch before Henry came home from school. I was advised to rest, no exercise, no heavy lifting. As much as alone time is a priceless gift when you’re a mum, it’s not so relaxing when it’s doctor ordered and you’re anxiously checking your body for signs of pregnancy.
I was desperate for something, spotting, breast tenderness, nausea, but mostly I just felt tired. At 17:00, Klara dropped Henry off after a playdate with her kids. While I hadn’t planned on it, I confessed that I had had an embryo transfer earlier that day. From my previous IVF cycles, I learned it was better not to tell my friends, it was too devastating to update them weeks later when the doctor confirmed the transfer didn’t take. But Klara had been so open with me about her postpartum depression and I really needed a friend right now.
As I knew she would be, she was super supportive, vowing not to tell the other mums. She offered to stay and care for me until Tom came home. I told her I would be fine but appreciated her kindness and was glad I had made a friend I could confide in.