Diary of a Mum: Making Decisions and Letting Things Go
Anna
If you thought bath time was chaotic in your house, try doubling it. Two kids, twins, means two times the fun, the love, the giggles. It also means twice the dirty footprints, clothes they’ve grown out of (no hand-me-downs when they’re both a size 4), sippy cups, and diapers. When they were babies, Adam and I would bathe them together but now that they’re older I’m in charge of the nightly ritual. I never miss it, and I always look forward to hearing all about their busy days and making sure we have time to play together. It was during bath time 2 days ago that I first noticed Leo had a rash. The next morning Mia woke up with spots and our worst fears were confirmed, chicken pox.
It could not have come at a worst time; Adam had a business trip this week and I had several important meetings scheduled to choose the fabrics for my upcoming mummy and me collection. I finished the designs right on deadline, so it was important to choose the fabrics now so the collection will be ready for next season. I had already booked a few evenings with a local babysitter the kids liked but I couldn’t ask her to take care of two itchy, chicken-pox-ridden twins.
It’s times like these that being a mum and a full-time designer feels impossible. Most days I go to bed having checked off only half of my to-do list and battling mum's guilt that I was missing out on quality time by going to work. Before the twins were born, I was confident I would “have it all” but now I’m lucky to have dinner on the table and time to wash my hair in the morning.
I called my parents and was relieved when my dad said he could drive up and stay with us for the rest of the week. I worked from home the next day, joining conference calls in between putting ointment on the kids to help with the itching and having tea parties.
The next morning my dad arrived, and I put on my Wo-mum The Boss Dress. I felt confident and ready for my important meeting. I found the twins sitting on their grandfather’s lap. I told them I had to go to work but would be back soon. Leo started crying and asking me to stay with them. My heart was breaking but I was stuck, my team was waiting for me, and I was leaving them with their beloved grandpa who I knew would take good care of them. I got in my car and started to drive away when I felt like I couldn’t go any further. As if connected by an invisible umbilical cord, my body felt like it couldn’t be separated from them knowing they were hurting and needed me.
I pulled the car over and called the most trusted junior designer on my team. She was delighted with the opportunity to choose the fabrics and speak for the brand. She would represent my design style, known for eco-friendly fabrics, and styles for mums in every stage of motherhood. I was needed in my most important role, as a mum to my amazing kids. I designed this collection because they inspired me, and I couldn’t put my job before them now. Maybe this was a good opportunity to become a better delegator to my junior colleagues and stop pressuring myself to do everything all at once.
I returned home to the surprise of everyone and snuggled with the twins on the couch. Our junior designer Adele texted me some photos and I let the kids help me choose which patterns we liked the best. We all laughed when Mia picked red polka dots on white fabric, but I told Adele to buy it. We will all be relieved when their spots disappear soon. When our chickenpox-inspired outfits are ready in a few months, I’ll remember a difficult but meaningful decision when I let go of the pressure to do it all and remembered the 2 most important things in my life.