How to Solve Your Motherhood Identity Crisis
Photo by Sam Lion
Becoming a mum comes with changes in every aspect of life. But one that isn’t talked about enough? The identity crisis we face when our world is flipped upside down with the introduction of kids!
Maybe when you became a mum you told yourself you were ‘mature enough’ or finally ready to lose yourself and your independence to motherhood– holding your breath, ready to jump off the deep end into a whole new identity.
When we become mums we can find that our identities become intertwined with our roles as caregivers, making it difficult to maintain a sense of self outside of motherhood.
It can be especially challenging for women who have dedicated much of their lives to pursuing a career or other passions before having children. The sudden shift in priorities can leave us feeling lost and unsure of who we are now that we have little ones to care for. Even worse, the pressure to be the ‘perfect’ mum can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a sense of failure if expectations are not met.
When we feel so entangled in our identities as mums, we find it hard to detach from that role. It feels like everything we do revolves around our kids. We are them and they are us: we are one in the same! So we end up spiraling into an identity crisis asking ourselves ‘who am I without my children?’ bringing our families down with us.
It’s essential to recognize that these things are all interconnected. How we view ourselves impacts how our kids view us. So, in order to draw the line between motherhood and independent womanhood we have to build a solid relationship with ourselves first. We have to add ourselves to our priority lists! And it all starts with an intentional switch in mentality.
Shift Your Mindset
Rather than seeing the responsibilities of motherhood as obligations, switch your perspective to view them as opportunities. Instead of being “stuck at home with the kids,” change your mindset to “I get to be home with the kids.” Instead of “having to carpool” think about it as “choosing to make the most of time in the car with the kids.”
There is so much freedom that comes with this opportune mindset. We find that the moments we might typically dread are actually the ones we’re going to miss someday. So it’s ok to let the dishes and laundry pile up from time to time– because what really matters is choosing to be in the present with our kids.
If you’re going through a motherhood identity crisis, know that you’re not alone. It’s normal to question who we are and how we’re changing as we learn and grow through motherhood You can reclaim your identity outside of your role as mum and remember that you are so much more than just an incredible caregiver– and that’s what makes mums so amazing!